The Miracle of Love

So, we have The Matrix of the Heart;

And we have the Law of Attraction which draws out the Realities of the heart, and brings us into contact within the context of that matrix with those who can help us identify the strengths and weaknesses and conditions of our heart, and then accept, reject, or appropriately adjust them from there.

And often times the circumstances brought about to help us do so are not entirely to our liking;

One of those experiences for me called out the dissonance I had created within my own heart to cage it up as tightly as I could, so as to prevent rejection and pain I had endured previously  in allowing it to be shared freely. For a long time (l.o.n.g.g.g.g.g.g.g.time) prior to this experience, this was the case with me; I had been conditioned by various things in my environment to believe that I would not be understood and that it was better to Keep back what was in my heart to protect myself from the pain of having it be rejected than to share it freely.

Each STEP I've taken out of this and with HOPE in the BELIEF (<--- which, btw, that is the formula of faith right there) that instead I might be loved for it has brought me a step closer into being able to secure relationships with those I've seen similarities of the heart in, but who could not recognize them within me because the cage I had built up so well would not even give them the opportunity.

This seems easy enough, but for me it was not (hell, even still it IS not) easy at all; I've kept back my heart for fear of feeling that crushingly painful blow of outright rejection of 'who you really are' by the people I wish to be accepted by most.

I used to look at the world in that state I was in and think everybody else was better than me Somehow because they knew how to get out of that fear and Just be open with people; (I'm finding more and more that that also is a generalization and more often than not a fallacy- but that's another post for another time). With me it didn't matter how hard I tried, or how badly I cared about someone or wanted something, time and time again I would revert back to that protective state. You talk about having built walls up; I'd built up a fortress.

In typing that now I realize Even more how much The Law of Attraction has been present in my life... You build up a fortress, and you attract and are attracted to others who have done the same. You wish to get out of it, but your own walls are holding you prisoner... Your army is turned inward on yourself: That is your protection... The threat is You reaching out to someone else, Anyone else who is new; who you might stand the same chance of experiencing that Same Pain all over again with;  You built the fortress so well that nobody from the outside could Ever manage to get in at all...UNLESS you for some reason unwittingly walked up and let them in.


So, here's the miracle of Love: Somehow that fortress which you have so painstakingly erected and dutifilly protected against all enemies- even against your own enemy of wanting to let somebody love you, and let yourself love them, Somehow, it turns into wax and Love's warmth melts it down. And you are convoluded; 'how did You get in?' And though you may resist and fight against it when you first recognize it- that desperate, futile last attempt to reassemble the now melted wax of your soul back up into your own Fort Knox-,  before you know it you are CONSCIOUSLY calling upon your personally-trained-and-tried-against-EVERYTHING-by-your-subconscious NAVY SEAL type army to stand down and Let You let this person in!

And somehow that is what you begin to Love about them; They had to have some kind of special key, or knowledge, or mystery of some sorts, hidden Even to you, to be able to accomplish such a remarkable thing(You find yourself WANTING- against all logic and past experience and anticipation of forthcoming pain- to trust them); Some kind of heaven-sent, touched-by-the-hand-of-God-Himself whateveritis... And you revere them;

...And I stare at this page with tears in my eyes because there is nothing more that I can say without diminishing it;


"The problem with building walls around your heart is that the higher you build them, the harder you fall when someone finally tears them down. "

The matrix of the heart

Lately I've had this idea kind of brewing, or kind of being brought up to me in different circumstances, and then settling into me of our world- everything we see, being nothing more than a matrix of what exists hiding in one way or another our true natures and understanding of Truth.

Robert Browning penned the following:


"Truth is within ourselves, it takes no rise
From outward things, whate’er you may believe.
There is an inner centre in us all
Where truth abides in fullness; and around
Wall upon wall the gross flesh hems it in
That perfect, clear perception which is Truth.
A baffling and perverting carnal mesh
Binds all and makes all error, but to know
Rather consists in finding out a way
For the imprisoned splendour to escape
Than in achieving entry for a light
Supposed to be without."


I think he said it there in those few lines better than I could in a few paragraphs. So, rather than trying to define what I mean by matrix, I will let that suffice and instead expand upon my thoughts on the reality of and the purpose of the matrix itself.

I suppose there are different religious reasons we could get into as answer to this question, and perhaps my answer is rooted somewhat in religious belief as well, but hopefully is one which can be generally accepted as a plausible possibility rather than a "Flying Spaghetti Monster" type of stamina.

As a scientific source of evidence of the matrix we live within I came upon this article in national geographic a few weeks ago:

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2011/07/110711-invisibility-cloak-events-space-time-bank-robbery-science/

It's worth a read.

So, If we accept Robert Browning's description of the matrix of 'carnal flesh' in which we live, breathe, go about our day-to-day, and view and see everything else, then we must accept also the reality that Somewhere, there is something more. Perhaps it is because I have been raised with a belief in God, but I believe even atheists and agnostics must be brought to admission of the point that something more than what we can rudimentally see exists-

Surely we have all met a burley guy who we expect to be hard-hearted and curt who turns out to be the most loving guy you've ever met or perhaps, a small, 'docile' man who turns out to be entirely different than we expect. Or perhaps your perception is totally the opposite and you familiarize with the big burly men and are intimidated by the small ones. Or any and all the inbetween. Or surely, at the very least each of us has felt at some point misperceived or mislabeled or judged by another- 'who are you to say that? you don't know who/how I really am!'. They are judging upon what they see or perceive, we are judging upon what we know we ARE.

Which brings me to my point: We all have perceptions built up based upon our interactions with those around us who are each encoded within this same matrix. And We attempt to build up the way we act around these perceptions to prevent ourselves from experiencing pain; but as we do so we stumble along once again that Reality that we cannot judge the world around us by what we see. What we see is a mirage of Reality. Sometimes, even, the complete opposite of it altogether.

So, If we accpet the general premise that it exists, that Light and Truth stems from somewhere else inside us, then one must beg the question, Why even have this encoding and this deception of the depiction of reality at all?

I think perhaps it is to teach us better how to recognize the difference between Truth and the Matrix for ourselves. If what we see is merely a mirage, we must be brought instead to judge based not upon what we see, but rather to judge upon the that part that Always exists (what I call the HEART- the lifeblood and beating force and Reality of who and what we are);

It provides testing ground for the growth and the development of that inner-core that in Reality is us. A proving point. -Do we act in accordance with it? Or do we forsake it for things that are encoded differently? If we never had the opportunity to live within a matrix and to choose, how then would we know the stability and the integrity of our heart? If everything we always chose was plainly manifest to us for what it really was, without a second thought, -without being matrixonically encoded by our perception of light we would never Know ourselves.

Take Job in the Old Testament as an example- this guy had it rough! Loss of his home, his kids, his fortune, his health, support of his friends- and even support of his wife! This guy stood by God completely on his own- with nothing and no one else to support him in it- and in fact, with Everything and Everyone else giving him Every reason to deny God and give up! Can you imagine having only your spouse left and even having them say to you, Curse God and die! and through it all Job remarks,

"Til I die I will not remove my integrity from me! ...Who am I to counsel the Lord? ...Though he slay me, yet will I trust in Him!... Though I were perfect, yet would I not know my soul!"

JOB, imho, is THE MAN. He passed this matrix-where-and-what-your-heart-is test with flying, and yet with deeply ingrained colors!

If Job was made manifest for the 'perfect' man he was from the start, and was able to see through the matrix of, as one example, his friends hearts from the start- where would be the test?

Job remarks that if his friends were afflicted as he was he would offer them comfort and compassion, but that instead of them being like that towards him, they offer him false judgment;

Odds are that If each of them were manifested from the beginning as what they were, Job never would have associated with them, nor they with him, and then the evidencial point of his friends incorrectly judging him would never have been made at all. Instead, they were encoded within the matrix that brought them into association with one another and provided the necessary proving points.

The more I come to see and know and experience within my realtions with those around me, the more I realize this is true. I have begun looking at every interaction as an opportunity to discern the heart- either for me, or for the other person. And this has helped a lot with releasing guilt that is sometimes easy to unnecessarily hang onto, or pain that is as well.

I believe the choices we make define us. And I believe that includes our choice to remain within the manifestation of the weakness or folly or strength of our heart the matrix manifests to us, or to overcome or abandon it as well. And I believe that every experience, interaction we have here is one more opportunity for us to either move in accordance with the heart, or else to move closer to the mesh of matter that is Everything we see.

Job's friends misjudged him, but I like to give at least one of them the benefit of the doubt that after the record of the book of Job we have today one came back repentant, using that experience as an indicator that he needed to MAKE THE CHOICE to correct his heart, and come more in line with Job's reality and heart rather than just looking outwardly upon the matrix of perception that God had abandoned and was punsihing him and thus he deserved judgment over compassion.

There is ALWAYS a choice. No matter how bad we have messed up from the start. No matter how deep our betrayal, Peter denied Christ thrice, and wept bitterly upon realization of what he had done. (Christ knew and revealed his heart, even when Peter was persuaded by the matrix of his outward allegiance to Christ up to that point). But Peter also went on to become the ROCK of the church, BECAUSE he CHOSE to recognize the opportunity to use the manifestation of the condition of his heart at that time that had been brought to his attention through the matrixciity of things as a building block (rather than a stumbling one) and correct it.

God turns Saul to Paul; a completely changed man, and the other apostles at the time are not so sure about God's decision; This fellow that is notorious for harshly persecuting Christains, Lord? You must be crazy! But God knew Paul's change was genuine and sincere. He responds that 'Paul is a chosen vessel unto Him' and I trust that if He were responding to them within the context of this post he would say something like,

You are judging by the content of the matrix which I have placed Saul in up to this point; but I have done this for a wise purpose. He has been persecuting Christians without knowledge of the Truth, and now, I have dissembled the matrix a bit, and allowed him to see his error. Armed with this new Knowledge and repentant he will minister with compassion, empathy, and understanding towards the world who will do the same to him as he has done to others. Let go of what you perceive, and accept him for what, with Knowledge of me, he has become.

I hope I am not seen to be contradicting my own words; the matrix allows us to manifest the condition of the heart, but it also allows us opportunity to adjust it, and then to prove that adjustment's efficacy. It is not contradictory, it is complementary. And the best part of it all is that The choice is Always Ours :).

Love to all,

Trish