The Miracle of Love

So, we have The Matrix of the Heart;

And we have the Law of Attraction which draws out the Realities of the heart, and brings us into contact within the context of that matrix with those who can help us identify the strengths and weaknesses and conditions of our heart, and then accept, reject, or appropriately adjust them from there.

And often times the circumstances brought about to help us do so are not entirely to our liking;

One of those experiences for me called out the dissonance I had created within my own heart to cage it up as tightly as I could, so as to prevent rejection and pain I had endured previously  in allowing it to be shared freely. For a long time (l.o.n.g.g.g.g.g.g.g.time) prior to this experience, this was the case with me; I had been conditioned by various things in my environment to believe that I would not be understood and that it was better to Keep back what was in my heart to protect myself from the pain of having it be rejected than to share it freely.

Each STEP I've taken out of this and with HOPE in the BELIEF (<--- which, btw, that is the formula of faith right there) that instead I might be loved for it has brought me a step closer into being able to secure relationships with those I've seen similarities of the heart in, but who could not recognize them within me because the cage I had built up so well would not even give them the opportunity.

This seems easy enough, but for me it was not (hell, even still it IS not) easy at all; I've kept back my heart for fear of feeling that crushingly painful blow of outright rejection of 'who you really are' by the people I wish to be accepted by most.

I used to look at the world in that state I was in and think everybody else was better than me Somehow because they knew how to get out of that fear and Just be open with people; (I'm finding more and more that that also is a generalization and more often than not a fallacy- but that's another post for another time). With me it didn't matter how hard I tried, or how badly I cared about someone or wanted something, time and time again I would revert back to that protective state. You talk about having built walls up; I'd built up a fortress.

In typing that now I realize Even more how much The Law of Attraction has been present in my life... You build up a fortress, and you attract and are attracted to others who have done the same. You wish to get out of it, but your own walls are holding you prisoner... Your army is turned inward on yourself: That is your protection... The threat is You reaching out to someone else, Anyone else who is new; who you might stand the same chance of experiencing that Same Pain all over again with;  You built the fortress so well that nobody from the outside could Ever manage to get in at all...UNLESS you for some reason unwittingly walked up and let them in.


So, here's the miracle of Love: Somehow that fortress which you have so painstakingly erected and dutifilly protected against all enemies- even against your own enemy of wanting to let somebody love you, and let yourself love them, Somehow, it turns into wax and Love's warmth melts it down. And you are convoluded; 'how did You get in?' And though you may resist and fight against it when you first recognize it- that desperate, futile last attempt to reassemble the now melted wax of your soul back up into your own Fort Knox-,  before you know it you are CONSCIOUSLY calling upon your personally-trained-and-tried-against-EVERYTHING-by-your-subconscious NAVY SEAL type army to stand down and Let You let this person in!

And somehow that is what you begin to Love about them; They had to have some kind of special key, or knowledge, or mystery of some sorts, hidden Even to you, to be able to accomplish such a remarkable thing(You find yourself WANTING- against all logic and past experience and anticipation of forthcoming pain- to trust them); Some kind of heaven-sent, touched-by-the-hand-of-God-Himself whateveritis... And you revere them;

...And I stare at this page with tears in my eyes because there is nothing more that I can say without diminishing it;


"The problem with building walls around your heart is that the higher you build them, the harder you fall when someone finally tears them down. "